i took the first step..
now shall see whether i will follow up with the second step not..
=)
and ok.. i was kinda forced to take the first step by baby..


baby's so sweet today..
well, at least i think so..
towards the end of the day, he asked me why my cheek is red..
told him was itchy..
and he slid his hand gently over my itchy cheek..
haha..
of course it was when no one was looking..
haha.. =)
baby's just so sweet..
i love him so..


and well,
i seriously hope i wun do/say anything to cause any unhappiness..
i think i'm hopeless lahs..

today was nice..
just being with baby is enough..
send me home and he also accompanied me for dinner..
even though his house got cook..
^^
and he said he'd believe wat i said..
that's really sweet cause that's what i've been trying to get him to do all these while..
and i really hope that he'd believe me from the bottom of his heart.
hees..
well well,
just love him..
hoho! =X


and baby,
thanks for believing in me..
that meant alot..

i hope things are ok now..
baby accompanied me till chinese garden..
he's sick but he still accompanied me till chinese garden..
^-^
so sweet of him..
i love him so much..
haha..

i just dun understand..
why is it tt when i said i did not go k with baby on sat after work was because he wasn't feeling well and he said that it was crap?
ok. so i went out with kenny to k.
but was cause baby wasn't feeling well that's y i did not go with him.
wanted him to have more rest so that he can recover faster..
was that considered crap too?
it was really cause he wasn't feeling well and that he wanted to take his med first.
yes, i noe he told me that it's ok.
but how can i ask him to go out with me when i noe he's not feeling well?
i mean.. putting urself in my place, would u ask ur partner to go out with you even though he's not feeling well and he said it's ok?
saw the sms and i really got upset.
totally no mood for k after those sms.
left kbox after 2hrs of singing..
and i was bothered by this for the whole time.
why?
is there some other reason why you think i'm givin you crap?
if there is, please let me noe?
kenny said now i noe how it feels to love more dan to be love.
haiz..
anyway, i realli dunno wat to do.
but..
baby, if you see this,
i really meant what i texted you..
i hope u'll believe that..

went ellen's house last sunday.. =D
had pot luck.. and the food they cook was really nice..
i guess i'm the lousy one.. cause i dun cook.. haha..
=X
anyway, the food was nice..
thanks to ellen, winnie & mary ann..
they can be/is a good mother..
haha! =P
so well, we played mahjong and i taught arwen abit.. LOL..
and it's been so long since i last saw her..
so was really glad that she still remembered me.. =)



lusty love with winnie



mary ann and winnie



ellen, mary ann and winnie



ellen, mary ann and me



grp pic!



ellen and jeff



ellen and arwen(who just woke up)



jeff taking arwen away from my shoulder after she started to cry



arwen and me



the blur arwen



the happy arwen


so well, i really missed arwen...
i guess it's really bad for saying this but..
ever since the broke up, the one i missed is arwen..
haha! =X
oh well, not tt i can't see her again.. =)


hmms.. anyway, baby's sick..
see him so xin ku but i also can't do anything..
anyway i just hope that he'll get better...
dan he can accompany me go k.. haha!! =D


i wanna k!!!

valentine's day..

vday was simple..
spent the afternoon at his house.. =)
he cooked spag for me!!
haha!!
he said it was the first time he cooked for anyone..
i choose to believe him bahs..
the food is nice..
simple bahs..
but especially nice since it was cooked by him.. ^^



baby looking at the bottle of sauce



baby trying hard to open the bottle



having a drink before starting



in goes the spag



spag in the water



baby cooking spag



sauce in the pan



pots and pans



baby at work



baby at work 2



honestly, we have no idea wat baby's doing..



baby told me to eat potato chips to fill my stomach temporary



taking the spag out



pouring the sauce



cooking prawns



the final masterpiece


haha.. i just feel like posting photos of him at work.. hoho! see his ugly side too.. haha!! =)
and i got my gift from baby..



me with my vday gift



my vday present



the card with my vday message


anyway,
for me, i believe that this vday is simple and the sweetest one ever..
i'm just not sure why..
maybe cause it's him..
=)

happy valentine's day to all!!
=D

meeting baby later after he go for his friend's ROM..
hmms..
i'm actually kinda looking forward to later but at the same time,
i dun wan to hope for much..
=)

even though i might grumble..
i still love baby so much..
he's still the only one i love..
no one can replace him..
^^

i thought bout it while i was bathing..
maybe...
i think too much..
maybe...
there's really nothing..
maybe...
i'm really the insensitive one..
maybe...
what i ask for is too much..
maybe...
things should be this way..
maybe...
i should have save my brain cells..
maybe...
i should just leave it..
maybe...
i should just hack care about it..
maybe...
i'm just a nuisance to him..
maybe...
i'm just nothing to him..
maybe...
maybe...
maybe...

there's just so much maybe...
tell me which is true and which is not...

was supposed to reach home ard 8pm after dinner with baby at my hse here..
but..
i just dun feel like going home early..
under my block,

me : wat time you want to go home?
him: why?
me : want to go blow wind?
him: where? *starts blowing wind at me* enough?
me : not enough
****** above dialogue is direct translation from mandarin ******

and after tt, there's no reply..
so i just said nvm.. go home bah..
along the corridoor, he ask mi y i look so sian..
told him nth but well, honestly, just sian bahs..
he see me till the staircase and well,
although i walked down the stairs, i really dread the feeling of going home..
so i stood outside with my house keys and decided to not go in..
called kenny and chat with him..
stayed out till around 9pm before going home..

actually i'm really unhappy..
ah!!
somehow, i sense that baby's not right..
there seems to be something that is bothering him but he just doesn't seem to say..
i just hope that if he's unhappy with something, he can share it with me..
at least if it's something that i did that he is unhappy about,
i can try to change or anything so that it wun happen again mahs..
but..
he'd rather keep it to himself..
is it that i'm not worth it to share with..?
or wat?

anyway, i think if baby sees this entry, he's so going to be unhappy cause i din go home.. but.. i just dun feel like going home early and well, he wants to go home early cause it takes quite some time for him to reach home and well, he's working the next day. so i just kept quiet..
maybe cause i just wanna spend more time with baby bahs..

baby, sorry..

went out with kenny today..
okay.. initially baby supposed to send me home..
but guess he strain his neck due to bad sleeping posture so ended up i send him to khatib instead.
sat at the platform waiting for a train tt i'm willing to go into cause of the crowd..
sat from ard 6pm till near 7pm when he tell mi to go meet kenny cause i say i dun wanna go home early and he also want to make sure i have my dinner and also since he is free..
so i noe baby dun really like me meeting up with kenny tt frequent but.. hees..
we're really gd friends and well, ms loh pui fan is busy studying for exam so means she wun come out.. haha..
so went off to meet kenny 7:30pm @ orchard.
had dinner at kfc cause we walked past and think tt it's been some time since we last had kfc.. as in.. ate kfc together.. haha..
after which walked ard and all thanks to kenny, i bought 2 pair of levis jeans..
zzz...
but not as much as what he spent the whole day.. haha~!
so,
was supposed to be home by 10:30pm (timing set by baby)..
supposedly i would have got home on time if not for the bus..
it took the bus forever to come!
and finally when it came was already 10:20pm
so means i'm sitting at the bus stop for ard 15mins!
reached home and i called baby..
told him the reason and he say dun give him tt crap..
zzz...
it's the truth mahs..
but anyway, for once, i dun mind being restricted.. haha..
but not too often bahs..




baby, i noe you dun like the too frequent meet ups with kenny.. but we're just friends.. and u're my only love.. i'll try to meet less ok? but dan u also send me home after dinner cause u dun wan to be home late mahs.. it's ok lahs.. i dun mind.. but somehow i just hope to spend more time with you.. but since u dun wanna go home late, i wun force you to go out with me.. and anyway i got no particular place to go.. =) so it's alright.. =D


oh yea.. i'm thinking of changing my blogskin.. hmms..
but i got no idea wat to change to.. haha!
any ideas anyone?


well, anyway, i'm real tired.. off to bed! =)
nights

sometimes i really dunno wat baby's thinking..
argh!~
he wun say anything and dan sound so nt right..
hais..
he dun really open up..
or maybe he already did?
wat can i do?
>.<

stayed over at baby's house over the weekend..
initially planned to watch 'lan qiu huo' and naruto de..
but cause i fell asleep first and followed by him,
in the end went for dinner with his family..
watched lan qiu huo on tv dan after tt accompanied him to watch soccer..


it was so nice.. having him hug me to slp.. =)
but having to wake him up in the morning is terrible!
but.. i like seeing him slp.. opps!
helped look after his sis daughter..
she's cute.. haha..
went home after having steamboat for dinner over at his house..


oh dear..
i'm missing him already..
haha.. ^^






and well, during the stay, she called him..
somehow when i see the name, my heart suddenly beat very fast..
haha.. just dunno how to explain..
but.. baby din ans the call..
^^

i'm loving every moment spent with baby..
even though things aren't the same as before..
well, before as in with elwin..
but i still like the way things are now..
just moments spent with baby is enough.. =)
hmms...
i'm greedy cause it's never enough.. =P




for baby, i deleted it. =)
but.. i guess only baby would noe wat is it.. =)

i'm feeling alot better now..
=)
on the way home,
baby said something to me which i feit it's kinda sweet..
so tt brightened up my day even more..
=)
and i'm really ok now..
thx for the concern peeps..
^^

somehow..
i dunno who to turn to now..
kenny is too preoccupied with his stuffs..
dun wanna bother him..

as for baby,
i dunno how to tell him how i feel..
cause it's just all negative feelings..

and..
i'm really afraid i'd cry out..
cause somehow, i'm on the verge of it..

sth's not right up there..

i noe i told myself that i shouldn't be thinking bout those questions running in my head cause i'll only be feeling more miserable by thinking bout it..
but.. i can't help it..
it just pop into my head..
i guess i'm just feeling insecure bahs..
dun really noe the actual reason y i'm feeling insecure..
or maybe that's the way..
oh well..
guess i just need assuarance from time to time bahs..
maybe tt's too much too..
hmms..
think i'll just act as though nth happen..
no insecurities within me..
just pretend to be really really happy..
will tt help?
i realise that i kinda like to deceive myself..
at least tt's wat i always do..

=)
everything's alright between us now..


started work today.. been quite some time since i last work.. haha.. cause was on leave.. so this morning.. didn't hear the alarm ring.. and i was late for work.. haa.. too tired bahs..
but everything's pretty alright.. =)
nth much to say bout work anyway..


anyway, i miss baby..
omg!

i...
dunno wat to do..
i've been crying/tearing for the past 2 to 3 days..
is it that i've been thinking too much?
but somehow..
i noe everyone is different..
i've got so many questions running through my head..
but i can't seem to get the ans..


as a girl,
i just want someone to dote on,
someone who will understand me..
someone who will show me concern..
i'm not saying that no one is showing me concern but..
yea.. everyone is different..
i noe i shouldn't expect much..
it is what i choose anyway..
i'm not regretting it..
just that..
let's just put it as i'm greedy..


anyway, met kenny today ard 9pm to go vivo..
had hagen daaz..
after which went to level 3 to sit and chat..
and i cried again..
sometimes i hate myself..
maybe i'm just weak bahs..
drank almost the whole bottle of long island tea..
maybe i shouldn't..
but just wanna..
just really down these couple of days..


everyone express things differently bahs..
wat can i do?
live with it bah!