I guess it's official..
I'm officially affected by her..
Thank you very much...
Dun understand y such a small thing must turn out to be so big..
Hated everything...
I think I'd just keep mum bout everything and anything..
That would be better, the best for everyone..
Wouldn't it?
Come on!
Blame me for everything..
It might be easier if I just take the blame and get hated..
Whatever.
Couldn't be bothered and yet I'm greatly bothered by this shit.
It's shit!

I probably shld be more understanding..
But I guess I'm not..
Already facing prob at work with kese...
And I just hope to be able to chat abit with dear..
Yes, though he called after a 10 min wait, we chatted for what?
1 min? Dan he has to go...
Dan.. Might as well dun call me..
I noe he made the effort to call..
But to call and just ask me to go slp dan even msg also can le right?
Maybe I'm just too troublesome, too many problems..
I just felt like talking to someone...
With everything happening at work...
Just needed to talk to someone....
:(
What if I break down?

seriously dunno wat to do..

Dear dear had night training today..
Which means we nv met up.. :(
Went home straight after work..
Slacked ard and waited till it was time for bed..
Cause...
Dear dear is calling me before going to slp! :)
We chatted and found out that he's nt meeting me tml again..
Felt kinda upset cause was looking forward to meeting up tml..
But dan eventually, still have to give up..
I noe he has his own things to do and I shld be reasonable..
Since he accompanied me most of the time, I shouldn't be so demanding and nt letting him do his stuffs right?
But I guess somehow I'm tt demanding..
I'm the needy kinda bitch hu needs her love by her side whenever possible..
It's nt healthy, yes I noe..
But wat can I do nw?
I guess all I can do is accept the fact that dear dear is nt meeting me tml and just find my own entertain tml..
Oh! It wun be tt bad if the appt tml is cfm...
Hais....






did i say sth wrong this time?
:(
dear dear is behaving differently..



i dun understand..
was it wrong of me to ask dear to go slp cause i see him looking really tired?
what's wrong with everything today?
how come it seems as though everything i do is wrong..
enlighten me please!

maybe i am just tt detestable bahs!
feeling so so upset now..
and yet i still have to wait for the washing machine to finish!

what's wrong with talking properly?
why must hit my head? (ok.. it's more like a knock on my head)
but still! i dun like it!
if swap places, would you have liked it if i did tt to you?



She msg me..
Saying I can have him and all but her only request was that nw is nt the time to post our pic since they aren't divorced yet..
I do understand..
I dun blame her..
I just kinda blame myself..
Should have just waited till the time is right..
But dan..
Is it fair for me?
Anyway, there's nth I can do nw..
Removed the pic and I'm feeling so terrible..
Hopefully things are ok.. :]

dear dear is having his night training cum duty today..
it's time to go sleep soon..
thought maybe can just talk to him over the phone for a little while..
but seems like he's too tired to talk..
come to think of it,
it's been quite some time (and i mean years) since we last really chatted on the phone..
we used to chat into the wee hrs and i would fall begin to asleep..
he'd try to let me sleep but would accidentally touch on topic *winks* which would instantly wake me up!
and we'd continue chatting for another 1 or 2 hrs before finally putting down the phone cause school is starting in another 1 or 2 hrs or so..
those were the days...
but now, i guess he'd be too tired to really chat on the phone..
plus! at times i would not be able to hear him clearly...
but.. i guess i would still miss those days..
sometimes just hope that we can do things which we used to do..
to remember the times when we were young..
but it isn't tt simple anymore.. .. .. ..



today marks our 9th month of being together as a couple.. :)
happy 9th month anniversary! :)
but we only celebrated the day with a dinner @ spize..
initially wanted to go over to Great World for Tiramisu but in the end we gave tt a miss!
reason being that dear dear is so tired and i've got tummy ache! -.-"
but we'll be having the official celebration this coming weekend!
prob going shopping with mummy on sat & might be cycling on sun!
and now my tired out dear is sleeping right beside/behind me.. :)
i love him for everything that he is..
he'd take the time out to come and meet me no matter how shag he is..
he'd give up meeting his friends just to spend more time with me..
he makes me feel so loved.. ^^
like i'm a princess.. hees!
of course he gives in to me all the time.. even when he shouldn't!
nonetheless, he'd never ditch me aside..
i love him so much..
but i just hope that he'd share his every tots with me and not keep everything in his heart..
says he'll do his best but it's still not easy for him to be the sharing one..
i guess i can only wait.. :)

he keeps saying he'd feel weird going to malaysia for new year with me..
i dunno how to assure him that it wun be weird cause i'm not him and it's a new environment so, probably he'd feel weird with so many ppl there..
i really hope that he'd come along with me like he said he would but if he choose not to eventually, i guess i should be understanding..
furthermore, he's got work starting the moment we come back?
aw~ there goes our valentine's day..
nvm.. i guess we can only make up for it when the time comes..
:)

it's 1 AM and i'm still awake!
reason being that i'm watching soccer with dear and well, since someone is still not proceeding to the bedroom, i can't officially sleep in the living room..
sleeping in the living room cause since dear is sleeping over, i'm accompanying him @ the living room.. :)
anyway...
today's the start of the new week!
good news is that OML's gonna have a party and we're invited!! *woohoo~*
bad news is that it's another monday of feet dragging to work esp since binnitities is back from china!
hopefully work will be alright tomorrow!! *prays*
just had mac for supper..
yummy yum yum.. *rubs belly*
oh my! i'm getting fatter! >.<
shall drag dear to go jogging with me!! haha!!
one of my new year resolution anyway! :)




i saw the msg to the wifey..
seems like though nth happen..
he seems so concerned of her..
as read from the msg, they are gonna be meeting up on thurs morning..
seems like they have been meeting for quite some time?
he din tell me though...
i know i shouldn't suspect anything since he meet up with me everyday...
probably they are just gonna be settling things?
somehow i kinda have the bu xiang de yu gan..
as though things will nv be settled no matter how much i wan it to be..
argh!
and, i saw the msg from the wifey..
and in tt moment, i felt like a 3rd party..
i dunno what is going on between them now..
but she seems so desperate for him to be back with her..
probably i AM the one causing all these?
shit! those unwanted feelings comes flooding back..
damn you!
anyway, i should trust him.. shouldn't i?
but the thing is.. how?
it's my bad for poking my nose into it but.. he did say the other time i'm allowed to see his phone anytime..
does that means he has got nth to hide to me or just believes that I wun look at it?
i'm really kinda at a lost!
someone please please please please enlighten me.. :(