i wanna go to bed and never wake up.
maybe im selfish.
or maybe can i wake up and forget about everything?

maybe its time for me to let go.
am i able to let go of you?

you have always decided to let me go.
im always to choice to be let go.
maybe it also says sth about how you felt for me.

its tearing me inside and yet i could not even show it.
i could not even let go of my emotions, to just cry it out.
to a point, i dun even dare to cry.
im scared of what you will tell me if you saw me crying, if you know i cried.

you would probably say that it adds on to the pressure you felt.
what about all that I am feeling?
why is it all about you and how you felt?
when you could not take it, you cast me aside.
so.. what am i?

it's fine. i will keep all my emotions hidden.
since it bothers you.

maybe it's time to walk away.
but my feet, my heart, doesnt wan to..
even though my brain says i should most probably walk to save myself from all the heartaches.

you most probably will not see this.
but,

bb, i love you.
bb, i miss you so much.

我还能撑多少，多久？

these few days i feel as if those bottled up feelings is gonna explode.
every little instance, i feel like the tears are threatening to fall.

i can still smile on the outside but on the inside it's like a waterfall..
hang on.
hold on.

i feel like breaking down.

can i have a shoulder to lean on?
a chest to cry in?

someone to tell me that it's alright..
someone i can let out all that is stuffed inside me, and yet will not judge me.

sometimes i feel like im an extra.
you noe? when he miss me, he finds me..
otherwise, i feel like im cast aside.
i noe the situation we are in, and i was the one who wanted to stay like this
probably this is all my fault. probably im just hoping for sth that will never happen.
he says he has 2. but why dont i get a dinner or msges or i dunno? stuffs..
ive kept all my unhappiness inside me.
ive tried not to say anything even though i really wan to.
ive given him space, time and everything.
but why do i feel like he's taking it for granted.
didnt he dislike being taken for granted? shouldnt he have known how it felt like?
and yet, why?
maybe im thinking too much.
maybe i didnt put myself in his shoe..
has he put himself in my shoe?

maybe it's karma.
maybe it's a lot of unexplainable things.

H says i should noe that im not his gf.
i shld remember this.
i did.
and yet..

i noe im stupid, im a fool perhaps.
but i noe, my heart wants him so bad.
so bad that im willing to be like this just to hope for sth that might or might not happen.
why?

i feel like crying so much.
and yet, deep down i noe it's probably not worth it.
but still, tears is on the edge.