i dunno how long i can take it anymore..
i wonder if i can hold out long enuff..
i dun feel tt i'm given a 100%..
at times it just feels 50%..
i feel more like a friend..
a friend hu occassionally hold hands, hugs and meeting up every sat..
i guess i'm emo-ing again..
realised i've got alot of emo post ever since..
friends always tell me i'm taken for granted..
always telling me to leave..
seriously i can't do it..
cause i noe this means alot to me..
but i dunno how long more i can take it..
i just wanted to be treated like i'm someone impt..
at the very least not some invisible person..
it's been quite some time since i feel that i'm impt..
just saying all these,
i dun think it's enuff to convince anyone..
but..
if u put urself in my shoe to experience wat i've been experiencing,
what i've been putting up with..
maybe you'll understand..
not saying i'm perfect..
no one is..
but somehow..
i'm tired..
feeling tired and then..


was listening to this particular song and somehow it brought tears to my eye..
i guess the chorus really hits me..


你笑著說他是朋友 但你眼中太溫柔
我的不安那麼沉重 只有你不懂
他霸佔了你的心中屬於我的角落
所以你說我們不是你和我
是我想太多 你總這樣說 但你確沒有真的心疼我
是我想太多 我也這樣說 這是唯一能安慰我的理由
oh~
他霸佔了你的心中屬於我的角落
所以你說我們不是你和我
是我想太多 你總這樣說 但你確沒有真的心疼我
是我想太多 我也這樣說 這是唯一能安慰我的理由
我想我沒有錯怪了什麼 雖然你不說
都是錯在我 太晚我才懂爱了你太多
oh~
是我想太多 你總這樣說 但你確沒有真的心疼我
是我想太多 我也這樣說 這是唯一能安慰我的理由


and wat if i say..
somehow my friend seem more like my bf..?

i heard and i felt uncomfortable.
i noe i shouldn't feel this way though.
but i cannot realli help it.
tell me how to think of another way when at times,
i really think that i'm just his friend.
i tried telling myself i think too much.
but nth comes out of it.
honestly,
i nv really feel secure ever since then.
i'm alway feeling so insecure but i can only keep it to myself.
he wouldn't really understand how i feel.
help..
i always felt forgotten.
always felt unwanted.
always felt like an extra.
at times even feel like a burden.


yes..
that's how bad i feel about myself.
i wish i can make myself feel better.
but it nv work no matter how positive i think.
wat's wrong with me?
seriously..
i hate i hate i hate.. :(

was looking thru my old photos..
lots of memories flood back..
really missed the happy times back then..
not saying i'm unhappy now..
things are getting with baby so yea..
i'm still glad bout tt..
but the past..
is a totally different feeling..
i still love baby though..
:)

I nv like spending so little time with baby..
so.. especially when sch has started..
no time with baby..
cause he dun initiate to meet on weekdays :(
and on the only day which we meet, sat, i'm having lesson..
so all in all, on sat, my total time of meeting him is only 4 hrs..
especially sad when he doesn't want to meet on sun..
feels like he can do without meeting me but i can't..
i tried to get used to it..
but it's not really coming along well..
at times, i feel like i can be cast aside & easily retrieved whenever he likes..
the feeling is TERRIBLE.
i so wanna meet him everyday..
but he doesn't..
and then at the end of this,
i'll still feel like i'm nothing to him.
there's definitely no problem without me..
so sad..
and plus..
the times when we chat has been lesser and lesser..
he doesn't chat as much as the past nowadays.. as in..
before we slp..
nowadays he'd just say he's tired and he's going to slp.
1 sentence from him to stop us from chatting when i've been waiting the whole day just for that miserable few mins..
really feel very upset..
like how i'm feeling now..
:(

i guess i conclude that i'm not important to you at all.
saw sth..
too pissed to say anything..
and then i thought through it..
currently..
there's no difference in me having a bf and not having one.
seriously.
its not i wan to say things harshly.
but..
is there really a difference?
tell me!
anyway i'm not important to you right?


na bei. chee bye. fuck.

sch has started since the 3rd week of july.. =)
things are pretty ok other dan me forgetting stuffs which i have previously learnt!
wat to expect from someone hu has stop schooling for 3yrs?!
haha!


work is okok lor..
got ups and downs..
um..
but overall was ok..
was at a company's event last sat and 1 of my colleague told me tt someone said i am pretty!
*ahem*
i dun think i am..
but thanks to the person anyway.. LOL!


things with baby is rather smooth recently..
it's good!
other dan i am seeing lesser of him..
due to sch work and work itself..
sometimes i hope i can see him more often..
but..
haiz..
oh well..
cannot expect too much!
just hope things will continue to be well! ^^