baby went malaysia with his friend today..
actually wanted to ask if baby could accompany me to SIM de..
but before i could ask,
he said he's going malaysia..
and he said he's going malaysia to enjoy..
somehow tt sentence just hit me..
and dan.. yes!
i started to feel abit emo AGAIN!
hate myself..
and why does tt sentence hit me you might ask?
cause when i was in sec sch,
someone once told me tt i was boring to go out with..
since then,
i nv tot tt anyone will wan to go out with me..
somehow tt sentence just stayed with me since then..


and somehow i feel tt with me, baby dun enjoy as much as being with his friends..
i wanna believe that tt's not the case..
but it's not easy..
especially when everything adds up to the situation..
maybe i shld just let baby go enjoy himself with his friends..
i guess tt shld be the way and yet i can't seem to really let go..
at times i think that i'm not gd enuff for him..
at times i think that he dun feel as much for me compared to how i feel for him cause..
most of the times he vent his anger on me..
like i deserve it..
like i did sth wrong..
like no matter wat i do is always wrong..
=(
i dunno y i'm feeling these stress on this relationship..
i guess there are sure lots of un-necessary stress..
i noe i dun really show it..
but at times when i'm alone,
i start to think bout it..
and tears start to fall..
maybe tt's part of the reason y i dun wanna be alone..


on a lighter note,
i submittedd my UOL application today..
=)
but dan when i think tt if i start sch i will have even lesser times with baby,
i tend to get upset..
especially when baby dun go out on sun..
at least he says he dun like but if friends ask him out he will still go out..
not always but at times..
actually i'm afraid tt lesser times with baby means tt we'll drift apart..
and i noe if tt happens,
many more things will start to arise..
*SCREAMS*
on my way to Jurong Point after SIM today,
was listening to my nano and i heard 'more than words' by EXTREME..
and somehow i feel..
i wan to tell tt to baby...


Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you
More than words
Now I've tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you
More than words


baby..
do you understand?
honestly i hope things will be better..
but with my current 'condition' and baby's somehow i dun think i can hope for anything..
=|