papa birthday today!
went out for dinner at tradehub 21's sakae teppanyaki.. :)
everything feels so right until dear tell me that he needs to leave and reach camp by 11pm..
:(
i noe he did tell me before i left hse in the evening tt he has to go meet them..
but.. i din expect it to be so fast..
cause we still had a part 2 celebration with a cake @ home..
and he's like rushing off in a not-rushing kinda way..
and i noe i told him tt we'll be having a celebration for papa wat..
ok.. so maybe i am expecting too much..
expecting him to be here throughout the celebration..
but it just doesn't seem right without him ard and when i noe he shld be here with me..
he's always meeting them, always last min cancelling me or maybe more to last min shortening our time together..
i noe it's not his fault or anything..
but i just wanna be able to spend the day with him..
a whole day without him always looking at his phone, always on his phone talking to others...
why can't i have his whole attention just like before?
yes. i noe that he's striving hard for his career..
but what bout me?
much as i wan to convince myself all these are just temporary or sth..
i can't really do it cause everytime he tells me that he'll spend the day with me, it ends up being just a portion..
it might seem harsh saying this but sometimes i feel like i dunno which part i can believe, which part i shld ignore..
so i feel like i meant nth to him..
reason?
cause there are times when what i say just fell on deaf ears..
i'm upset for all reason but mainly cause he couldnt be with me..
and dan there's the part where he'll always be on his phone! :(
argh!!
i hate this feeling..
really hate it..
i tried to be as understanding as possible.. but can i really do it all the time?
there are times when i hope he'll understand how i really feel each time..
but sometimes, i just keep quiet cause i really dunno wat else to say..
cause he wun change his plans for me & prob he would think tt i'm not understanding enuff..
so whats the point of saying anything?
in a way, i'm tired of these..
i just wan him beside me..
maybe tt 1 sentence is just too much to ask for....